“Am I making the right decision?”

“I just can’t seem to make any decision. I feel paralyzed.”

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had many conversations about evaluating and making decisions. I believe we each have it within us to make decisions that feel great and feel right, if we only re-frame the way we approach them.

My first question for anyone struggling with a decision is:

what filters are you applying to make your decision?

I often get a blank stare. Here’s what I mean.

When making decisions, we force our heads to think through a lot of options, scenarios and forecasts. We try to predict, we try to keep everyone and everything in mind. What we often lose in the process is… ourselves.

If you’re struggling to make a decision or want your decisions to feel stronger, here’s what has worked for me. 

1. Identify your core values. If you haven’t already, the quickest way to do this: go through this list of values, pick your top 20; then narrow it down to 15, then 10, and then 5; sit on those 5 for a few days to check that they really do resonate.

2. Write out your definition for each of your top 5 values. We all define and view words a bit differently, and it’s important for you to get clear for yourself, to know what you really mean.

As an example, one of my core values is intimacy. Many associate intimacy with only a romantic act or relationship. To me, intimacy means deeply meaningful, intentional, and attentive relationships with everyone in my life, not just my romantic partner.

3. From your core values, build 3 guiding filters. These can be worded the same way, or in a different way, whatever works best for you. These will be the filters you use to evaluate every decision against. 

For example, mine are:

- learning & challenge

- contribution & meaning

- resources earned (time & money)

4. When you’re faced with a decision, evaluate it based on your 3 filters. Here’s the key: most decisions won’t meet all 3 criteria and… that is OK! Choices and trade-offs are what rock our world and as long as you’re conscious of acknowledging what those are, you’re on the right track.

5. If 2/3 filters are met- great! Consider how else in your life you can fulfill your 3rd filter- after all, your top 3 are must-haves and if your decision around work/volunteering/play isn’t meeting all 3, you will want to work on incorporating it into your life through a different avenue.

6. What does this choice ENABLE you to do? We often consider what doors will close when we make a certain decision, but we don’t consider what making that decision would enable us to do.

Would it free up some time that we could spend with family/friends/important projects instead? Would it remove some stress, worry, heaviness and allow our creativity to flow? Would it allow us to save away to fulfill a big hairy audacious goal? Would it enliven us? Would it allow us to come from a place of abundance? Would it enable choice and freedom?

Trade-offs are hard to make, but when we look at the whole picture, when we look at what we could get, just as much as what we would be giving up, we’ll make fuller, long-term focused choices.

7. Do a gut check. Does this feel good? Is it a #heckyes feeling? What is your heart saying? If you’re struggling to hear your gut, try committing to a decision to yourself on someone else, and seeing how you feel in the morning.

8. Commit. Decision-making is great, but taking the next stop and DOING is where the magic happens.

You got this.

“Hey, how’s it going?”

“Good, how are you?”

“Good. You know, just busy.”

“Ya. Me too.”

Sound familiar? Sounds all too familiar. For a while now, I’ve heard lots of conversations around me on the topic of “being busy”: we all agree that, technically, we are all “busy”, yet we are tired of hearing it, we don’t want to glorify it, and we certainly don’t want to fall into “the busy trap”.

I could go off on how we could all do with a whole lot less business, less meetings, less running around, less tasks to fill our minutes and hours with, and instead fill them with activities that align with our values, that move us forward, that are more conscious. 

Instead today, I’d like to propose we start by changing our wording, and by changing our wording, that we bring a little more awareness to what we really mean and let that trickle into the choices that we make.

I have stopped saying “I am busy” for quite some time now, and when someone comments “oh, you are so busy”, or “I don’t want to take up more of your time, I know you are so busy”, I lovingly correct them and say “No, I am not busy. Yes, my life is full, but I choose to make the time.” 

Why full and not busy? Because I choose a full life- I don’t let a busy life choose me.

Since I left the corporate world some months ago, I have been re-defining what happiness and success is for me. The journey has been challenging and rewarding, at times euphoric, and at times heart-breaking. 

Some of the most incredible moments have been the vulnerable conversations I’ve been able to have with new & old friends around the choices we make, the values we hold, and the important things in life. One common thread has been how once you open your own vulnerability door, you allow others to feel more comfortable with sharing their own journey with you.

There’s much more I’d like to post about this, and I’m finally coming to a point where I feel strong enough to be able to. Today I just wanted to share a first short message that would hopefully open up a glimpse into the other side of exploring “freedom”. We often compare our insides with everyone else’s outsides (thanks, social media!) and make assumptions and judgements about their days and lives based on it. I’ve had many people comment on how incredible my life looks, how I appear to always be so busy and doing so many things, how cool it is that I’ve been doing my own thing.

And some days, it really, really, really IS- and I am SO grateful for them and fully acknowledge how lucky I am for every one of them.

But the days that don’t get shared or talked about enough, are the days when they really, really aren’t that great.

The days, like today, when I wake up feeling very heavy emotionally. When the word failure circles my mind. When I have more questions than I think I can handle. When I wonder what I can possibly learn from all of this. 

These days usually truly come out of nowhere, which makes it sometimes hard to brace, or prepare, for them. I’ve learned to breathe through the doubting and nagging thoughts, to start will small tasks that will reward me slowly, to text or call a friend and name the feelings out loud. And some days… well, some days me and my couch and the fetal position get super tight.

My hope for you is that when you have days like that, you feel encouraged in knowing it’s not just you, to trust that it is part of the journey, and to be kind to yourself through it. Don’t compare your insides to everyone else’s outsides. And know that by opening up that dark vulnerable spot, you’re letting healing light shine in.

Thank you to Dave for reading & editing (and supporting me through this today & every day), Humaira, Marica & Joce for always being there to receive my texts, and to Josh & Carissa for an incredible event last night that opened up a window of strength in me to get these thoughts down on paper by inspiring more open vulnerability. 

I love strangers & the randomness of life. Was just walking down Robson St in between meetings and had a guy around my age walk up to me and ask if he could walk with me for a block or two. 

I said sure.

He first told me I looked absolutely beautiful and asked how my day is going. Then he told me that he is an entrepreneur who just started a relationship-advice business and across the street is one of his clients, a good-looking, positive, 35-year old fitness trainer, who is terrified of approaching women in non-traditional settings (ie a bar/club), but really believes that he wants to meet someone in a setting that’s not about cheap drinks & pickups. He wants a relationship. 

So today he was taking his client out and teaching in the best way possible: by example, and hoping to make someone’s day just a little bit brighter in the process. He then asked if I would at all be interested in a further conversation, at which point I told him I so LOVED the random conversation and the genuine compliment, and thanked him for it, but declined, saying I had already found my love.

Lessons learned:
- a smile & hug from a stranger can really, really turn around even a hard day like today was [read: we should all do this a little more]
- the guy, the relationship-advice entrepreneur, wasn’t particularly smooth or exceptionally talented, but he just DID it, was honest and transparent, and had genuine intentions [read: risk-taking is hard, but you can do it, and you don’t have to wait till you’re perfect or have it all figured out]
- there is someone out there for you, you may have just not bumped into them yet [read: live your life to the fullest babe, your love will be there when you are ready for them or ready to see them]
- saying “yes” may mean an awesome pick me up + hug [read: say yes more often, especially if you have no idea where it will take you]
- aren’t you glad you already put a ring on it David Cameron? ;) ;) ♥

“Do you run?” - a friend

“Run? Haha… nooooo, no. I am SO not a runner. Hate it. Never been my thing. My body’s just not meant for it, ya know? I’m a great swimmer, I’m a great walker, but ya, no… not a runner”- me.

I’ve spent the past 6 months going on a wild self-inquisitive, life-exploring adventure and one of the many things I questioned was the constrictions and restrictions I, or society, or perceived society, placed upon myself.

“I’m not a yogi” was one I broke down with my 60 day yoga challenge, and I recently realized, during the above conversation that happened last week, that the other box I was placing myself in was the non-runner box. I’d never given it a fair enough shot (I KNOW I can do better than my half-hour super sporadic runs) and I didn’t like that I was just placing myself in this box.

So for 2013, I’ve set a big running goal. This year I will run my FIRST 5K, my FIRST 10K (nope- I’ve never done the Vancouver SunRun- always said I hated running in crowds…), and my FIRST half-marathon. 

Terrified? Yes.

Excited? Yes.

Ready? Yes- I know my yoga & self-journey has prepared me for the mental challenge ahead.

Calling bullshit on myself and proud of it? You bet!! 

I’ll be continuing regular yoga practice to complement the running. After the half-marathon, I’ll be happy about the shot I gave running and will let myself either continue with it, if I love it, or enjoy a sporadic run once in a while, if it doesn’t groove with me. This time though, it’ll be a well-educated decision. 

2013 running schedule:

March 16th | 5K | BMO St. Patrick’s Day 5K

April 21st | 10K | Vancouver Sun Run

August 10th | half-marathon | lululemon’s SeaWheeze

2013 training regime:

- for running, I’ll be starting off using a modified version of Vancouver SunRun’s 10K training schedule, which will have me running 3-4 times a week

- still looking/creating a great half-marathon schedule after it

- yoga 2-3 times a week

- a weekly swim 

- walking meetings (been doing this for a good while now and it really is the best)

- continue to feed my body with great nutrition 

- all my current daily rituals will feed into staying mentally strong & soul-full

#BOOM.

I’ve been doing yoga on and off for a bit over a year now. I enjoyed some benefits from it, but never considered myself exceptionally good at yoga, and, to be super honest, I just didn’t quite get it.

Some stretching, some sweating, some breathing. The idea of it really resonated with me though somewhere deep inside. I saw the beautiful practices of those around me and part of me just wanted to be able to be there, at that level.This fall I started going more on, than off, and slowly something started clicking.  

But time went on and despite yoga being a part of my goals, nothing much happened around it. This fall though has been a huge journey for me and along this journey one of the biggest lessons I learned was the importance and value of just showing up.

I am also someone that loves to throw themselves fully into something (a slight type-A, or recovering type-A, depending how you look at it…), so I knew that unless I had a reason to throw myself into yoga, my practice would probably not change or escalate. And… there was always tomorrow.

But… I was kind of terrified. After my 10+ years of competitive swimming, I had put hardcore fitness on hold and diving back into it (hah… diving… I swear that was not on purpose), especially doing something that I did not feel I was good at, was even scarier. I was worried I’d be judged. I was worried people woud look at me and think “who is this girl trying to pose as yogi- she’s not hippy enough, she’s not … enough”. I was still working on defining myself outside of being a recovering Accountant and Auditor… 

I kept coming back to the thought of it being enough to just show up. So I made the (very quiet, slightly skeptical) commitment to do a #30daychallenge, starting right after Beyond Pink. It seemed like the perfect timing: post-event madness and building up for a strong start to 2013 (I’m a big non-believer in New Year’s resolutions and instead, starting in Nov/Dec to set yourself up for success come January).

At Beyond Pink, I was chatting with Lara Kozan, co-founder of Yyoga. She asked what I had going on and what I was excited for post-BP. I spilled my secret and nervously told her I was starting a #30daychallenge the next day. She looked at me and with a straight face said: “I challenge you to do 60 days. And I challenge you to not fall in love with the teachers, but with your own practice and the change it creates within you”.

#BOOM.

I couldn’t say no. It was one of those moments in life that you feel kinda ready to pee your pants but also feel a fire deep in your heart saying #HellYes. I can do this. I can do this… I can do this… right? Yes. Yes… Yes. I can do this.

In the past 4 years, I have put everything but my own health & well-being first. I put work first, I put extra-curriculars first, I put friends first, I put family first. The past 6 months has been about still rocking out with work & projects, but bringing ME back into the equation. This involved 7-8 hours sleep each night, scheduled alone time, saying NO to opportunities, events, or conversations that were from a place of below the line. The idea of having to now plan my life around something so self-focused as yoga scared me in the very best way possible.

And so that’s the story of how on November 5th I started my (first ever) #60daychallenge. Here’s a few things I have learned and experienced so far:

• make your yoga plan for the week every Sunday- it will ensure you schedule for, and around, it, and it will teach you to be disciplined about your practice. and while you’re at it… plan for your whole week’s goals on Sunday! if you want help and energy to work through that, give me a holler- we’re doing that with .theplay(ground).

• it will also make you revalue everything that you say yes to and help you work through what your time is going towards

• commit loudly & boldly. commit to everyone you know. make it known. it makes it easier for your support network to do exactly that… support you in your journey

• week 2 sucked. a lot. be ready for the dips, acknowledge them, and just thank yourself for working through them. feel the pain and be thankful that you feel pain and that you are not numb, emotionally or physically. 

• not falling in love with the teachers is hard. for now, I’ve let myself have little crushes on my fav ones (Meghan, Troy, Carolyn, Ingrid, Sjanie, Wade) and will continue to work though my own practice within their teachings.

• just show up. and breathe. no matter how you feel, what you have going on, just show up. if you feel strong- push yourself. if you feel like you need more than you have to give, then just being on your mat is beyond plenty. your breath will give you the rest.

• where there’s a will, there’s a way. I’ve had to miss two classes in the studio (my current studio is Yyoga), so to make up for it, I doubled up on classes one day and for another one, I did a self-practice at home using YogaVibes videos (these are amazing, fully guided classes, all different types, lengths and levels). 

• my body feels great and my mind & heart are filled with a steady & strong energy. I feel stronger and after two weeks, I’ve moved into poses and modifications of poses that I could not do when I started. I let myself enjoy this moments and then come back to my breath within them.

• it’s not about being good or bad at yoga. if you just BE and show up and breathe, you are good at yoga. that’s it. there is no bad at it. you can be struggling and working through some poses, but those are poses. your yoga practice is not defined by the depth of your poses, but by the depth of your being.

Holy WOW it’s November!